I have witnessed within my own stories how traumatic or unwanted events can bury into our psyche. How do we deal with our pain? Typically we bypass the real dance and adopt yet another narrative to cope.
Some lean into ignoring it ever happened. Others make the story a repeated narrated cycle as a means to claim ownership to “help” others.
I have come to understand both of these ways have shadows but it most likely may not be what you think.
Let’s first discuss what evolved in my story after living decades in both of these dichotomies.
When I ignore what is true to me, I feel more pain. Particularly in my body. When I compartmentalize, undermine, run, or silent, my physical body suffers almost immediately.
It may begin as benign as a headache or turn emergent as something that feels it requires triage, but I have come to understand this is truly stemming from heartache and disconnection from that which desires acknowledgement and is actually true to me.
Now the other end of the spectrum. This end feels more nuanced and almost pernicious because it often masks as “good deeds” for others.
Let me start off by saying, it is no true source of righteousness to use your experiences as a means to gain status or hierarchy when it comes to trauma.
But wait, isn’t using our experiences to help others the point of having our experiences one may say?
Well, yes and no.
I see this in aspects of peer mentorship which is a field I myself feel can be an essential part of someones healing journey. We all see this covert egoic behavior in most fields.
So where is the dissonance?
When we have not more completely integrated our own experience and we rush to be the master of knowledge.
This is simply pulling the cart before the horse which can and does happen in any field of study.
Knowledge without experience is futile and experience without knowledge…well same.
I see and know many individuals who play the part, publicly very well. But often behind the scenes usually someone quite imbalanced and even suffering. And now we are back to the beginning. They are either honest or often hide it.
So why is it so complicated to see life is paradoxical.
Why cannot we see our own hidden bias and bullshit?
We are a society of actors with few willing to be vulnerable and when we are vulnerable, we use that to yet again pedestal ourselves.
Why would it be so bad to just admit we are often full of shit.
And start being honest and if you are not truly at a place of big man around town, don’t perpetuate and play one on the stage of life.
Our experiences are to grow, not to be seen or help us feel better.
As we are deep into our collective awakening, the more I see people not vying for the stage the more I find truth.
Getting in touch with our core truth begets us to face ourselves. Our ego and identity in the world.
Many double down on the false story for appearances. But why? What is the fascination with appearances and could that simply be a story linked back to, yes you guessed it, trauma. Needing others to validate you?
This is where the hero’s journey in my opinion comes in like a tidal wave. It’s spiritually epic in nature because when you feel the breeze of change and permit yourself to fall completely and utterly into the abyss of the unknown, the work is done for you.
The stage gets deconstructed and all that is left after layer upon layer are striped from you, is well, nothing. Then essence. And there is nothing more brave than accepting we are nothing and still being at peace, being, giving, and loving.
We face an epic journey ahead. As we all recognize the stories we hold and share are often rooted back to just that, bullshit.
This only comes after you claim the beauty and purpose of your pain.
The journey goes deeper. Past appearances and heart warming stories into YOU.
Who are you really?
Take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror.
Who’s in there who lies behind those eyes?
What’s the story you tell yourself?
When we recognize there is really no story, just experiences leading us to soul growth, only then will be be able to show up honestly.
Not stuck in story, not afraid, not dumbed down or distracted. Split and fragmented, finding and coupling with others who validate the BS.
It’s time to fight or surrender (depending on where you are at in your mind) to your true nature. Not the one handed to you by society. And not the one story that’s bolsters the most recognition.
We use our trauma to lend to our stories which only perpetuate the trauma narrative. But I want to be seen, heard…loved, right? Our experiences are to grow, not to be seen or help us feel better.
But when will be enough?
Time to wake up.
You are no one. No identity. No CEO, Master, or Slave.
When we commit to the inner work, the desire to be seen graciously vanishes. We are that which is already seen.
Realize your freedom is innate.
And approval, validation, popularity all is keeping us stuck in our stories that never break into freedom.