The "Healer's Trap", Ego or Heart?

Updated: Dec 15, 2018

Once upon a time, I was a "healer," specifically an energy healer. Truth be told, I always questioned the label, appeared to hold a lofty claim if you ask me. I am a believer in God, the Creator, and knew that ultimately any miraculous healing was up to him/her (whichever your preference). But in a sense, it was what I did, moving energy, tapping in, assisting in shifting paradigms of limited beliefs. You see, ever since I was young, the people even my parents at times, needed help by my impressions of their feelings. It is openly discussed and poked fun at that I am my Mother's Mother, the parentified child. We may joke about this, but it has come with a significant cost at my expense.

Constantly attracted to healing modalities with a pure innocence since the age of 19, after a severe head-on collision including my mother, step-father, only sister, and family dog, (everyone but me) , I began my journey with body work. My first exploration- "healing" modality was Massage and Bodywork. I was attracted to this due to the physical pain associated with the recovery of my families injuries stemming from the car wreck. (They all were in the trauma unit for over one month). I thought if I could lay my hands on them, I could help reduce the discomfort. My earliest memories included, wanting to take pain away from others, and this seemed like a professional embarkation.

I was enthralled and felt at home with other like-minded souls who also had this intense desire to be of service to others. It made me feel so good. Anatomy, Physiology, and most intriguing copiously studying the energy system. Now this was where I felt a deep merge of my hearts desires and mission. Also, the inception point for my dedication to Christian mysticism, metaphysical medicine, and energy "tools". I was in love.

After I was licensed in bodywork, I went on to attain my certification in Ashtanga Yoga. This modality involved my physical body in a different way than bodywork. They are both intense physically, but different. I enjoyed the physical practice of yoga very much, but it also triggered personal goals, competition, and actually a physical addiction blossomed due to the "high" received after a beautiful savasana. But at 21, everything would shift. I started my personal journey with battling my own illness. As I continued to give relentlessly to my massage clients and study yoga, my own energy system was failing me. Young, naive, and desperate to help, I failed to understand the depths of balancing the energy exchange in not only life, but work.

As I battled my own systems well-being, I sought continued education and certifications in healing work. It was intense and my dedication was steadfast and unwavering.

Until I died.

Yep. After a severe 'bout with the flu, (I had been diagnosed with Lupus already), my healing of others became a fierce battle to heal myself. Thank God for this. In this divine intervention (masking as misery, chronic pain, hospital ridden anxiety), I had my epiphany, "Healer, heal thyself".

Self-awareness, deep introspection, and authenticity is the best healing you can offer.

"Practice What You Preach!  There is no doubt that God can and does heal people today.  But the false doctrines of the Word-Faith Movement about "declaring" healing, "name-it-and-claim-it", etc. have been proven to be lies by the very people who sell this deceit.  If you don't know about where these famous "faith healers" go when they need healing, you may be surprised.  Why couldn't they heal themselves when they purported to be able to heal others by virtue of their superior faith?  What happened to the extraordinary faith they claimed to have, enough faith to heal and be healed?  Since they are the ones who ta