HELLO & WELCOME!
I am a passionate personal development coach and spiritual advisor with a long history of over-coming and thriving with chronic illness.
I am also a visionary who encourages radical authenticity and promotes free-thinking.
Read at your own discretion, trigger warning always in effect. Enjoy.
Never could I imagine that my life would entail such a path of suffering, or so I thought. By 21, I was on death’s bed succumbing to a case of Systemic Lupus Erythematous that no doctor or healer could control. I was forced, by grace, to elope on an inner journey into what I would attribute to all of my current passions and work. At the time, I was veiled to these great spiritual gifts that I was being initiated into. With an established spiritual practice upon diagnosis, you can imagine my confusion facing my own death during a time when I thought everything in my life was ahead of me. My diet, my prayer, my relationships, my self-care, my contributions and love for humanity all on point…little did I know that this illness that remains traveling by my side to this day, would be my greatest gift to my own personal development for whom I was becoming and meant to be in this life.
Following is 6 profound lessons I not only learned but developed a close kingship with to help my personal evolution during my worst times living with autoimmune disease and organ failures.
1.ACCEPTANCE - The opposite is denial and that is what I experienced deeply when I got my initial diagnosis and went further into when I was told I was in kidney failure. I could’t believe it and I didn’t want to accept it because then it would be real. I did not know how to handle this diagnosis nor did I have the skill set to study going into this process. The denial was painful and the acceptance was painful. When I could no longer fight because my time was fleeting and I was exhausted, I fell to my knees and prayed that God would help me navigate this. At that time I was able to create the space to begin to tackle, one by one, the steps I would need to take to reach my destination, which was life.
2. SURRENDER - After the acceptance came a surrender, almost a deeper level of acceptance. In this stage, an immense space opened for me. In that space, I felt protected. I realized that there was divinity in this diagnosis. The space gave me an opportunity to face day by day with strength or weakness the motivation to move forward no matter what that day represented. In this surrender, I found my inner determination to observe every detail of this gift for I knew that one day I would transmute this experience into a way to serve others whom faced similar challenge.
3. UNCERTAINTY - Suddenly life comes to a shocking halt as we know it after a diagnosis. Somehow we quickly have the vision that without health, life is very different. Plans change, finances change, our social interactions change, we must develop a new norm. Life post transplant for me isn’t now where the same as it was pre. Simply because my consciousness and self-awareness has been put through a vigorous development phase. And I would never want to be who I was before my diagnosis. Did I loose things? Absolutely. But as it turned out those “things” were just that or people that were not intended to ride the wave of my life. It takes courage to be me, thus it takes someone equally brave to be in my circle of confidants! I don’t take anything for granted and have the utmost discernment for how I live. And one for certain is, Life is always changing, and to quote the beloved Stevie Nicks, "Can you handle the seasons of your life"
4.PATIENCE - Can we just say that again? P A T I EN C E. This one should be number one in my book because I am always living in the future. Not the past, which is good, but living too far ahead has it’s challenges too! DIALYSIS. One word. Years of dialysis has taught me more patience than anyone could ever realize, unless you live or lived it. Dialysis is the process of exchange of fluid to remove toxins from the body when the kidneys are no longer functioning. It is an archaic process but one that is necessary to battle and live with kidney failure. You are basically confined to a chair most often in a clinic with about 20-40 others whom are “like you.”
It feels weird, you have your blood visibly being filtered through what looks like a water purifier in a machine (Obviously it’s more technological than that), while you sit and have too much time to think. It really challenged my body, my mind, and my spirit. I would stare at the clock just waiting for time to pass to be done with treatment so I could fall into my bed afterward. I would have one good day then back to clinic. (I realize this isn’t everyone's experience with dialysis, but after 4 years it was mine each time. I had dialysis 2 separate times before both transplants.) A momentous blessing was the time I had on peritoneal dialysis. I was dialyzing at home on my time several times per day. *It is noteworthy to mention the great push toward home dialysis and I couldn’t be more happy for those to have more option than ever to dialyze at home. Non-the-less hours of sirens, beeping, and bleeding stuck in a chair with no where to go has been my greatest lesson in patience. #transmutationiskey
5. DIVINE TIMING - Due to my spiritual nature, I knew that good things come in God’s timing. But nothing challenged my personal belief than that of CKD and waiting for a kidney. It became a very bi-polar experience that often was high hopes coalesced with periods of hopelessness. Everyone’s “wait” is different. Many people’s desire unfortunately doesn’t come in time. This is a danger in living in hope for the future. As necessary as it is to have hope, if we’re not living and appreciating the present it causes the dreaded wait. I learned, typically by shear physical force, that I needed to slow down. Often I needed to succumb my desires for that of what was possible for me on that particular day. In living in the present we have the opportunity to honor what we were given and appreciate what is. The “hope” became a holy conversation of what God wanted of my life rather than what I thought I expected. In this profound consciousness shift, I honored the power of God’s will and that if it was his desire for me to actualize my desires they would only happen on his time.
This journey isn't for the faint of heart but don't forget the power of transformation and energy transmutation of the human spirit. This is your initiation and you are built to withstand. We need you. Don't forget the inner power you have access to along this physical and mental challege.
Stay strong warriors.
Be vulnerable when you need to be.
Speak your truth and share your feelings.
All is coming….