My life changed when I was able to address the nuances of my relationships. Which were “healthy” and which were “toxic”.
Often I found that spectrum to be far to abstract to actually see what the energetic dynamic was. Rather I began to ask, how was I affecting my relationships?
After watching Sam Vaknin’s latest video on the evil of the enabler, I wanted to highlight this subject matter.
There are nuances that go along with the underpinnings and many are unconscious as to why someone benefits by playing the enabler role. It’s a process of self inquiry and outside help, (the right outside help),
that can help us detangle the motives behind behavior that keeps a running narrative perceivably safe but hardly iterative and evolving.
An enabler personality is a term used to describe a person who enables another person's unhealthy or problematic behavior. This can be intentional or unintentional, but the result is that the enabler helps the other person continue with their behavior instead of taking steps to change or address it. Some common signs of an enabler personality include:
Making excuses for the other person's behavior
Avoiding confrontations or difficult discussions
Helping the other person avoid the consequences of their actions
Taking on responsibilities or tasks that the other person should be doing themselves
Ignoring or dismissing their own needs and feelings in favor of the other person's
If you think you may have an enabler personality, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge the behavior. This can be difficult, as it may require you to confront uncomfortable truths about the way you have been interacting with the other person. However, it is important to recognize and address this behavior in order to help both yourself and the other person.
One way to address an enabler personality is to set boundaries and establish healthy communication patterns. This may involve setting limits on the amount of time and energy you are willing to devote to helping the other person, and making it clear that you will not enable their behavior any longer. It may also involve setting clear and consistent expectations for their behavior, and holding them accountable when they do not meet those expectations.
In some cases, seeking outside help from a therapist or counselor may be beneficial. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to change your enabler behavior and establish healthy boundaries in your relationships.
It takes courage to recognize and change behavior whether you are an enabler to certain people or on the other end if you fancy enablers around you. Yes, there is nuance around contentment and complacency.
These concepts become more clear once we begin to self investigate honestly and deeply.