Why the Healer/Rescuer is halting your growth.
Updated: Jul 16, 2022
This is a tangent talk...
HELLO & WELCOME!
I am a passionate personal development coach and spiritual advisor.
I am also a visionary who encourages radical authenticity and promotes free-thinking.
Read at your own discretion, trigger warning always in effect.
If you are anything like me, (holding this assumption- because you've landed here), you have a deep desire to see your loved one's happy and healthy. Maybe it's unbearable at times for you to witness even a neighbor or complete stranger struggle. Depending where you currently sit on the empathic spectrum, you will inevitably understand this sensation to “feel overwhelming, see the unseen and have that deep desire to help”. Conversely on the opposite pole, if one doesn't give 2-cents about others, they can often be labeled as egotistical or even worse, the dreaded narcissist. While it is very true that both of these archetypes exist, and often attract each other, I want to give my perspective regarding how the 2 can sometimes be interchangeable. And maybe shed light on the fact that we as spirits having a human experience are indeed more alike than we want to admit at times.
What I am about to say will hopefully encourage you to think beyond the surface a bit here. When our belief systems are challenged we often can throw the baby out with the bath water so to speak. And when all is said and done, it is always a choice. What to read, to watch, to participate in, who to engage with, and finally how to live this beautiful experience we’ve been gifted here and now.
So here goes. I speak passionately about this topic because it hits home for me. I’ve been the healer, and been oppressed by “healers”. I’ve been the victim and the healed - and everything in between. My job is to bridge this gap between extreme polarities, and to do that efficiently with due diligence, I had to live both ways. As we all often do. The problem arises when we select to choose one way as our “right way” to live and operate in polarization. This often causing high levels of separation with others who do not hold our same way of living.
My experience is rooted in my childhood. At the tender age of 5, I understood that I had some different qualities regarding my view of life. I was born non-dual, as we all are. As newborns we don’t know any different. We are free and we rely on care-takers to meet our basic survival needs and hopefully to offer love. We don’t discriminate. We don’t judge. We don’t analyze. This is all learned behavior. What we do really well as children is FEEL. And communicate. Until we’re told not to. It is hard to sometimes admit or see that most of our problems we face today were taught to us. Learned behaviors that started very early in life for the majority.
Our parents being our first lessons in how we should be living life. Each and every one of us coming from different cultural backgrounds, indoctrinations, and belief systems that were most likely taught to them by their parents, and so on and so on…
One of my first indoctrinations was G.O.D.
I was taught that I was a sinner. I was nothing. I was going to hell if I didn’t follow the rules of “right living” as according to God. As I would find out much later the specific way I was being taught was an inaccurate assessment of what God would come to mean to me. Hence creating a girl who struggled to find what God meant to her, until God came to her directly. But the years preceding I had been constantly pressured, pushed, and reminded that I wasn’t good enough.
The thing was…the people guiding me had conflicting ways of operating themselves. Eventually causing this distain and confusion in that young girl regarding what this God thing was all about.
I was constantly being pressured to heal, by people who weren’t healed themselves. Boasting that their way was the only way. To this day, a portion of my family operates this way. I am fortunate to have done much healing on myself to recognize this behavior and I continue to accept that this way is right for them without judgement. It has been exceptionally difficult and also extraordinarily empowering for me to lean into my own conceptualizations of what God meant to me.
In the years following under the household programming, which included religious indoctrinations, school programming, and basic familial beliefs, my ability to be on my own, at 17, immediately started my own process of finding myself. I didn’t know exactly who I was, but I can assure you I knew who I wasn’t and what I didn’t want to be. Thank you childhood. :) *small disclaimer, I understand my family all did what they thought was best. I do not believe any of my upbringing was to cause intentional hurt and pain. I healed that mentality.
This led me to another form of healing, the new age movement and in particular lots and lots of yoga. In my practice I discovered self-healing and growth. In my early 20’s I still held very much of a perfectionist style of living. You can read about the repercussions of that in my other articles and videos. But eventually I took all the trainings, read all the books, and decided I was ready to lead and teach. As a natural intuitive and empath, now yogi and energy body worker, it felt very easy for me to read another’s energy system thru the body and spirit, and embrace the "healer archetype".
It required little to no effort in my part to identify what the root cause of the issue was, whether medically, psychologically, or physically. What was draining was that I was utilizing all my energy to help others and not addressing my own needs to the extent required. Energy needs to be an exchange and demands balance, as all things in nature do. But because I didn’t want anyone to suffer as I did, It became my mission to save and heal everyone!
Well, you know what happened next. I died a few times. (You can read about my long-term chronic health crisis in other articles and videos). But fortunately I always came back to life and the last time it hit me like a concrete block over the head - I had work to do and this time it wasn’t on anyone else.- I had to heal myself on a level that I had never experienced and forgo and disconnect from saving anyone else. What happened was I was re-united with the part of me that didn’t need to help or save anyone else.
Then in discovering my full authenticity, I could shine by just simply showing up as who I was. This wounded healer archetype was what actually elevated my abilities and humbled my process of how I chose to work from that point forward. I saw that if I pushed, (as was demonstrated to me as a youth), for others to follow what I saw, no matter if it was the best for them, I was somehow forcing another to bypass their own healing process. Now I understand the level of dark and illness you are capable to process and experience is directly proportional to the level of light and healing that arisies in personal and assisting abilities.
What I have learned is that we ALL have the ability to assist others on this journey called life. But if your mission is to heal others, I believe from my personal experience, it is because your soul is calling out for your own personal healing. I continue to de-layer my on-going desire to help others so fiercely. When one is passionate about anything, there is always an underlying meaning.
Take for instance the “HERO”, such a deep program in young boys which transcends into manhood. For example, we’ve all asked a child - what do you want to be when you grow up? A fireman? A police officer? A doctor? Superman? A learned behavior that it is noble to heal, to “save”. Noble and recognized to get awards for self-sacrifice. So what happens when the boy doesn’t grow up to be the hero? Or worse, the Hero gets seriously ill due to lack ot proper self-care because he(or she) is too busy "saving"? Do they experience difficult aspects of finding their self-worth? Can they experience lack of confidence or self-confidence issues around what it takes to me a man in today's society? Does this behavior present in relationship too with a partner? The man is here to “save the day”. Just something to think about.
I have tangented and simply allowed my thoughts to roam free here. But I will begin to wrap up by stating that we are a society that operates off of belief systems. We often push our beliefs onto others. Then somehow feel different, frustrated, separate, often angry, or depressed because we feel misunderstood or just angry not everyone feels the way we do. Healing is just one aspect of how this plays out.
One who needs healing will often be attracted be becoming a “healer”. They can loose themselves in the work and completely miss the deeper subconscious ways in which they are passionately driven to be the healer or savior to begin with.
I am not suggesting that people in the healing community do not provide tools and deep energetic shifts for others. But remember, there is typically always something deeper and more profound going on and the moment you believe you have it figured out, you actually have the most to learn.
I can say personally I know some of the most dedicated and renowned healers on this planet who do not care for themselves. Is that just weird? Doctors who care for others all day and fail self-care? Yoga leaders who teach love and light who are totally stressed out? Psychologists who are having mental break-downs? See how this can work?
Obviously there are people who have all their ducks in a row. They have that balance of self-care with caring for others. But I ask you the rescuers, healer’s, saviors, do you feel your desires to help and heal are coming from a place where ego doesn’t live? Do you feel like you are living your passion as fiercely as you are teaching it? Are you over-extending yourself to be recognized because actually there is a deeper wound that is fighting for your inner child to be loved and recognized? If the ego wasn't involved there is that recognition that you can only lead from your experience and the outcome of what happens is affirmitively up the the clients soul and the god of thier own understanding, you would be able to seperate from expected outcome completely and simply show up as autentically as possible. Forgoing, best-ofs, accolades, awards, confirmations, etc... That wouldn't matter any longer.
Coming to consciousness or a deeper awareness of myself has been my greatest healing opportunity as of yet. And in my ability to admit that there is so much more going on than I can imagine and I truly am a beginner in this waking process of coming to consciousness, I understand more and more each day that all I thought I knew were outdated beliefs that were taught by people who were doing their best and often my own healing stemmed from internal deep wounds that needed addressed in my own psyche and spirit.
But now, it’s my time. Coming into my adult spiritual/human experience. I still and always will be involved in helping uplift humanity. But my approach is completely and utterly different than it ever was. And I expect it to continue to evolve and change as I contine to delve deeper in my own consciousness and process of waking.
I now lead my work through radical authenticity and story-telling. Do I still tap into others? Of course, it’s second nature. But I also immediately see how the people who are drawn to me, out of divine accordance, most often are aspects of my own experience and I simply tap into myself and lead by telling them what worked for me. I have no claim to fame. I will never again tell anyone what to do on their process. In fact, I believe that is doing great dis-service and actually guiding someone down another path that will delay linear time in their healing experience. Maybe good for your business value, leading them continuously lost searching for more guidance.
I have found the best way is to be passive, God will bring you the people, places and things you need for not only your mission, but your life. Stop seeking like crazy, you’re getting tired. Set your intentions, follow your heart, and trust in knowing you are and always were going to be seen, heard, and loved just as you are. What is happening in the world currently is the Great Revealing, or biblically- Revelations. The truth is being exposed. We are all seeing the rat-race of triggered emotions we’ve been living of off. We are desiring the feminine aspect, or The Age of Aquarius to be embodied. Less rush, more trust. Less competition, more collaboration. Less extrinsic measures for growth and healing and more internal means. Less of me helping you and more of how can I help myself and lead by example.
I am a slow learner, but in my 42 years on this earth, I can say I finally feel the most fulfilled, authentic, and heart based than any other time in my life. I feel the best and tangibly have the least. I trust, I flow, I love.
I also lately have triggered and upset a few people as well. But from my experience that is how growth happens, not by sugarcoating.
Be truth, be a student, be a human who embodies compassion and in that respect for all others on this journey will root true embodied wisdom.