Why Reiki doesn't resonate with me

Updated: Dec 15, 2018

When I was just 21, attending school to become licensed to practice massage therapy, I had my first experience with Reiki. If you don't know what Reiki is - Following is a brief passage taken from a medical dictionary by Farlex.

"Reiki was developed in the mid-1800s by Dr. Mikao Usui, a Japanese scholar of religion. According to the story that has been passed down among reiki teachers, Usui was a Christian who was intrigued by the idea that Christ could heal sick people by touching them with his hands. Searching for clues that would explain the secrets of healing with hands, Usui made a long pilgrimage around the world, visiting many ancient religious sects and studying ancient books. Some reiki teachers claim that Usui found clues leading back nearly 10,000 years to healing arts that originated in ancient Tibet.During his intense studies, Usui claimed he had a spiritual experience, which enabled him to heal with his own hands by becoming aware of and tapping into the universal life force."

Sounds appealing, right? My initial experience was with a gentlemen from the institute I was attending, and he was considered a Master Reiki Facilitator. I really didn't know what to expect, so my mind was open. I laid on the table and the man who was leading the session held a Native American vibe. His clothing, his office decor, and the slew of predatory birds, especially bald eagles pictured all over the walls. I was digging it.

He turned off the lights and instructed me to breath and relax. I had been involved in the spiritual community and had been practicing yoga and meditation and was comfortable with whatever was going to or not to occur in the session. He did his thing, light hands on coupled with hands over "healing". I could immediately tap into his energy and around his importance in this process. Not in an arrogant way, but more of a humbling way. I felt comfortable, safe, and relaxed. The session felt fairly long although I was in a relaxed state and lost track of time. (which can often happen in a relaxed state) The appointment lasted approximately 2.5 hours. A bit longer then I thought it might be, but it was cool.

I felt comfortable afterward. No major happenings occurred other than I recognized how much I loved bald eagles afterwards as I arose from the session glancing at the walls as I was putting on my shoes. It was a cool experience until the following day. The massage training center I was attending during that time, where my facilitator worked, was present the following day meandering around the school. I had accidentally overheard a meeting with the owner of the school and my Reiki facilitator. She was "scolding" him for keeping me in session so long. She was seemingly concerned for my well-being following such a lengthy first session. It seemed to me to be more to be a battle of the "spiritual" egos. I felt fine. And wondered what that was all about. I thought, "well, if anything "bad" was going to happen I would deal with it".

Nothing eventful happened from that single visit. My life continued as it would, as per my own souls contract with creator. Years went by and I continued my studies with spiritual modalities. I explored a multitude of ways to "heal" and "improve" myself. Loads of trainings, courses, books, energy tools, body work, certifications, self-reflection, seeking out more "healers" etc...

I landed on yoga and meditation primarily for many years following.

Years later, during my years coping with LUPUS, followed my personal experience with profound illness that leveled me and developed me the way I needed, not wanted in the least bit, but what I needed. I literally was wheelchair bound at times, left with myself alone and NOTHING outside of myself was when the true magic began.

I think we can all agree that when you're striped naked with nothing, trying to find ways to continue fighting, is when you find out who you truly are and what you're made of. I couldn't practice yoga, I could barely breath as water was filling my body while experiencing kidney failure. I didn't care in the least regarding improving myself, I was just trying to decide if I wanted to stay on earth. I remember saying to my partner," I don't know if I can do this anymore". Kidney failure isn't acute most of the time. This was day in, day out, feeling like hell - for many years. My days filled with trying to accomplish the simplicities in life, such as gaining the strength to get up to go to the bathroom or deciding if I wanted to pick up the doggie hair ball in the corner, mixed with contacting insurance companies for referrals. I was disrupting people in my life with my basic needs (the few I was open and honest with). I had to dig deep. Did I want to be here? Did I want to keep fighting. Did I want to speak my truth. Did I want to ask for help? Did I want to be that vulnerable woman who had aspirations of becoming a "healer". And what was I fighting for? *Note, this became my new spiritual practice. LIVING. And in my ability to find hope in each moment, I bravely decided to live, authentically for the first time ever.

My answer, was YES. I wanted to be here. I wanted to inspire others. And my inspiration to heal